After my last post I updated my resume, and started my job hunt in earnest. It, thankfully, didn’t take too long for me to land something, and I started my new job at the beginning of September! So far, it’s been more fulfilling than the last job, and that’s exactly what I was hoping for. I switched from a worldwide organization to a small local office, and the atmosphere is just so much better. I couldn’t be happier with this decision. My job is different enough to feel new, but the same enough that I feel like I’m capable enough only three weeks in. Feels good.
What I’ve been up to lately. The 3 people out there that actually read this silly thing. Well, the truth of the matter is I haven’t been up to much. I barely hit the gym in the last few months, but I have watched a lot of Game of Thrones. 6 more episodes and we’ll be ready for the new season Sunday!
I haven’t even really done much board gaming or Sims 4 playing. I have read the first 3 Jem and the Hologram graphic novels and all of Locke and Key. So that’s something. To be perfectly honest I’ve been in a bit of a slump, and it’s taken me a while to start seeing a way out. I’m getting there. Slowly, and I’m looking forward to getting back to some Sims 4 streaming actually! I’m going to start working on a regular streaming schedule, and I’m looking into ways to record my sessions to post to Youtube, maybe. I’m still not sure if that’s something I want to do. I’ve spent some time building stuff lately, and I want to stretch that creative muscle some more so I’m thinking about doing some speed build videos, but there’s already SO MANY of those I’m not really sure if it’s even worth it, but if I’m going to be doing the building anyways I may as well record it and see what happens.
Warning: This subject may be sensitive for some people, and also this is long, rambly, and just a stream of consciousness. You’ve been warned!
I want to talk about health and weight loss. I know it’s a sensitive subject for many, but it helps me stay motivated to write it all out.
I have lost and gained and lost and gained and lost and gained for so long. I was on a good weight loss path again when I got pregnant. Of course I gained then, but it was way more than necessary. I stopped even trying to eat healthily. I was just constantly hungry. After having Lizzy I got back on the scale and was nearly forty pounds over the weight I was when I got pregnant. I cried. I cried a lot.
When I was younger, even in high school, weight was not something I ever had to worry about. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, and was constantly being told how thin and fit I was. The thing is, I was also very active. I never learned how to cook. Never learned what was healthy vs unhealthy. Over the last, ugh, so many years I’ve learned a lot about food, preparing food, calorie counting, every single diet under the sun, and now I’m trying to learn how to just take care of myself.
I’m sad at myself that my last post was 5 days ago. However, in that 5 days I spent some time on myself. I watched a movie and cried my eyes out. I FINALLY recorded my first segment for The Shuffle. I spent a good amount of time with friends and board games. I actually went out for breakfast with my boyfriend and daughter. I worked on a puzzle, and read a little. I did my yoga routine TWICE, and, lastly, I caught up with some friends via the internet that I haven’t connected with in a while.
Today I’m feeling much better. I’m making priorities instead of letting all the things I want to do overwhelm me. I’m using my bullet journal for what it’s meant. LISTS! I bought some new pens, a new pencil case, and some stationary. I’m going to write ACTUAL LETTERS and put them IN THE MAIL to send to far away friends, and I’m beyond excited about this.
So, this is my rambling about how I handled my mental health. My hope is this will stay as a reminder to myself that it’s okay to have bad days, and to keep reminding myself that the bad days won’t last forever.
I think, in a future post I’m going to just take pictures of my pen stash. Also washi tape. It’s really starting to get out of hand!
It looks perfect outside my office window. It felt like fall on my way into the office today. I just want to be out there. Maybe with a book. Maybe for a walk. Maybe just to sit and close my eyes. According to my phone it’s 61 degrees, and I don’t see a single cloud in the sky.
Here’s the view from my office. I know it doesn’t look like much, but that sky is just screaming at me to be outside.
I’m feeling, well, to be honest, not much this morning. I have a headache and no motivation for work or really anything. I’ve been struggling with this feeling for a few days now. When I get home from work I do all the things that need to be done for the kiddo, but nothing extra. I’ve stopped doing my yoga. I just sit on the couch. Maybe I’ll play Sims 4, but generally I just sit there. Not really focusing on the TV, the boyfriend, or anything.
I know it’s a phase, and I know it’ll pass. I need to find the motivations/will/strength to just do the things. I need to sit down and record my first segment for The Shuffle. I have my notes written for it. It will take me less than half an hour to record and edit it. I just can’t seem to make myself do it.
Writing this is just making me sad too. Should I even post this? I’m not even keeping up with the goal I gave myself for this blog, but I’ve decided that doesn’t matter so much since it’s my personal space. I can write as much as I want and when I feel like it, right?
I keep getting frustrated with myself because I have all these ideas and things I want to do, but then I can’t find the time/energy/motivation to actually do them. I get scared too because some of the ideas are so big and over my head, and I’m terrified to even try. So instead I sit here and get angry with myself for not doing anything. What a vicious circle.
Tonight I’m going to do my yoga routine. Even if I do nothing else. I’m going to do that. I need to. It’ll make me feel better both physically and mentally. I at least haven’t been skipping on my walks at work. Probably because I like the excuse to get up from my desk. Maybe I’ll go for a walk outside today. Though I’m afraid that’ll mean I won’t want to come back in…