For 2019 I sent a challenge to read 36 books. I did not hit this goal, but I still managed to read or listen to 30 books over the year. Looking back at the list though I feel I could’ve done better. A lot of the books were graphic novel quick reads, and I’m a little disappointed I didn’t do more non-fiction. However, I have a large list of non-fiction to work through for 2020!
I struggle basically all the time with self image and weight control. Not weight loss. That I’ve proven time and time again I can do. Weight control feels unattainable. I get to a point where I’m pretty happy with my weight. Then I just stop paying as close attention to what I’m shoveling into my gaping maw. I slowly watch the weight climb back up telling myself “it’s only 5 pounds, I can knock that off easy.” until I get to the day where I’m saying “fuck! 40 pounds!?? How did I let this happen?” Which is where we are right now.
I want to tell myself that this time is finally it. I’m finally done with yoyo dieting and fluctuating weight. I want to tell myself I’ll go to the gym every week forever and ever until it’s just part of the routine, but I know I won’t. I know I’m not that person. People keep telling me “one day at the gym is better than no days”, and while that logically makes sense one day at the gym doesn’t fix what I’ve done to myself over the last several months. One day at the gym doesn’t keep me from over eating.
There used to be a time when I would wake up and do yoga every morning before work. That time was before I got pregnant, before I had my kid, before I had so many excuses not to get up early. Now, I do okay with gym/workout routines for a few weeks or months, but as soon as something messes with that routine (holidays, special events, sickness, anything that throws it off course) I don’t bounce back. I just let the routine fall away until I get here again.
Here, 40 pounds heavier. Afraid to get on the scale. Afraid to look in the mirror naked. Afraid I’ll be fighting this, myself, weight forever.
Every week (well, most every week) I write up a meal plan to get the family through the week. I write up my grocery list as I’m doing this so I don’t forget anything important. Sunday I go to the grocery store (sometimes I use our grocery store’s pick up service where I order everything online and they bring it to my car) and prep my snacks and lunches for the five day work week ahead. Some weeks I cook a lot. Some weeks I don’t. This was a week I decided to do very little cooking. I’m going to share some pictures and the calorie and macro breakdowns for these things.
- 4oz honey smoked turkey breast – 140 calories
- Hard boiled egg (not pictured) – 70 calories
- 28grams garlic hummus – 70 calories
- Green/yellow/orange bell peppers – 35 calories
- 50grams green seedless grapes – 35 calories
Totals: 350 calories | 23g Carbs | 12g Fat | 36g Protein
It doesn’t look like much, but I promise it’s filling! However, I may regret not having warm food for my lunches this week since it’s supposed to be bitterly cold!
I have A LOT of calories tied up in snacks. Sometimes I eat them all, sometimes I skip some of the snacks in favor of a big dinner.
- Babybel cheese – 70 calories
- Light string cheese – 50 calories
- 150grams vanilla greek yogurt – 113 calories
- 50grams blueberries – 29 calories
- 1oz dark chocolate almonds (not pictured) – 160 calories
Totals: 422 calories | 31g Carbs | 22g Fat | 31g Protein
On most days I’m looking to stick to 1300 calories. On the days I lift I’ll be closer to 1500 with some added post-workout food stuffs.
My macros for 1300 days: 110g Carbs | 50g Fat | 105g Protein. For 1500 calorie days these will all increase evenly. 20g Carbs, 15g Fat, and 20g Protein added.
Over the last few months I’ve been slowly increasing my protein. I’ve always struggled to get enough in the past since I don’t want to add protein powders. Nothing against them. I just don’t want the added expense.
I spent roughly an hour in the kitchen getting all of this together. I could’ve gotten this done in 45 minutes, but I took my time since the kiddo was napping.
I’m feeling pretty good about food/workouts for this week. I have a dedicated gym work day on Wednesday, and I’ll go again Friday night, Saturday, or Sunday to round out the week. And as long as I’m not overly sore (like today) I’ll do a home lifting routine another day this week.
I’m planning on posting these each week. If people are interested I can add my dinners to this also. While my snacks and lunches will be the same through the week dinners will not.
Pardon the dust while I stretch my creative brain to make this space something I want to continue using. I was getting anxious to start writing again so I’m jumping the gun before I have the space formatted well. Please don’t use this against me! 😀
Now that that’s out of the way, here’s what you can expect from me:
- Ramblings about life
- Pictures and opinions on board games
- Some stuff about beer maybe?
- Pictures and words about what it’s like raising my tiny human
- Dog and cat pictures!
- And basically anything else I feel like putting in this space
For now there won’t be a schedule for writing. If viewership increases and people want to see something regular then I may consider it, but mostly this will just be where I ramble about whatever’s going on in my head.
So, here’s the first entry lets hope I actually keep writing!