Health and Weight Loss Rambling

Warning: This subject may be sensitive for some people, and also this is long, rambly, and just a stream of consciousness. You’ve been warned!

I want to talk about health and weight loss. I know it’s a sensitive subject for many, but it helps me stay motivated to write it all out.

I have lost and gained and lost and gained and lost and gained for so long. I was on a good weight loss path again when I got pregnant. Of course I gained then, but it was way more than necessary. I stopped even trying to eat healthily. I was just constantly hungry. After having Lizzy I got back on the scale and was nearly forty pounds over the weight I was when I got pregnant. I cried. I cried a lot.

When I was younger, even in high school, weight was not something I ever had to worry about. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, and was constantly being told how thin and fit I was. The thing is, I was also very active. I never learned how to cook. Never learned what was healthy vs unhealthy. Over the last, ugh, so many years I’ve learned a lot about food, preparing food, calorie counting, every single diet under the sun, and now I’m trying to learn how to just take care of myself.

Continue reading “Health and Weight Loss Rambling”

Who Let The Dog Out?

It appears life has continued to move regardless of my writing about it or not. Well, duh, right? I promised myself I would post here at least twice a week, and I keep failing myself. I keep trying to find something clever or cute to post instead of just being me. So, yeah. I guess I should really just be me.

Yesterday morning the boyfriend flew to NC for work. He’s flying back tonight so will miss all the craziness from the hurricane (by the way, everyone out there please be safe!). Usually we crate the dog each night, but it was just weird to have the whole bed to myself. So I let him stay out. We don’t do this normally because the two cats sometimes like to cause a ruckus at night which makes the dog bark and the whole house wake up. Nothing crazy happened last night though! And it was nice to have the dog out and more alert since it was just me and the kiddo home.

I spent a good amount of time “play” games with the kiddo over the weekend. Got started on my 2nd solo campaign of Legacy of Dragonholt, and I’m going to knock off a few more games in my annual challenge for the year! So, I have all that going for me.

Also deciding what to talk about for next month’s The Shuffle episode, and still fiddling with lighting and equipment trying to get video recording down. I feel pretty confident in my ability to actually do the recording now. It’s the editing I’m getting terrified of, but I need some video to play with to really see what’s what. I also probably need some sort of intro and outro? Most likely… So, if anyone knows things that can help I’m all ears!

Doing Things!

I’m sad at myself that my last post was 5 days ago. However, in that 5 days I spent some time on myself. I watched a movie and cried my eyes out. I FINALLY recorded my first segment for The Shuffle. I spent a good amount of time with friends and board games. I actually went out for breakfast with my boyfriend and daughter. I worked on a puzzle, and read a little. I did my yoga routine TWICE, and, lastly, I caught up with some friends via the internet that I haven’t connected with in a while.

Today I’m feeling much better. I’m making priorities instead of letting all the things I want to do overwhelm me. I’m using my bullet journal for what it’s meant. LISTS! I bought some new pens, a new pencil case, and some stationary. I’m going to write ACTUAL LETTERS and put them IN THE MAIL to send to far away friends, and I’m beyond excited about this.

So, this is my rambling about how I handled my mental health. My hope is this will stay as a reminder to myself that it’s okay to have bad days, and to keep reminding myself that the bad days won’t last forever.

I think, in a future post I’m going to just take pictures of my pen stash. Also washi tape. It’s really starting to get out of hand!

I Need to do The Things

It looks perfect outside my office window. It felt like fall on my way into the office today. I just want to be out there. Maybe with a book. Maybe for a walk. Maybe just to sit and close my eyes. According to my phone it’s 61 degrees, and I don’t see a single cloud in the sky.

Here’s the view from my office. I know it doesn’t look like much, but that sky is just screaming at me to be outside.

morning

I’m feeling, well, to be honest, not much this morning. I have a headache and no motivation for work or really anything. I’ve been struggling with this feeling for a few days now. When I get home from work I do all the things that need to be done for the kiddo, but nothing extra. I’ve stopped doing my yoga. I just sit on the couch. Maybe I’ll play Sims 4, but generally I just sit there. Not really focusing on the TV, the boyfriend, or anything.

I know it’s a phase, and I know it’ll pass. I need to find the motivations/will/strength to just do the things. I need to sit down and record my first segment for The Shuffle. I have my notes written for it. It will take me less than half an hour to record and edit it. I just can’t seem to make myself do it.

Writing this is just making me sad too. Should I even post this? I’m not even keeping up with the goal I gave myself for this blog, but I’ve decided that doesn’t matter so much since it’s my personal space. I can write as much as I want and when I feel like it, right?

I keep getting frustrated with myself because I have all these ideas and things I want to do, but then I can’t find the time/energy/motivation to actually do them. I get scared too because some of the ideas are so big and over my head, and I’m terrified to even try. So instead I sit here and get angry with myself for not doing anything. What a vicious circle.

Tonight I’m going to do my yoga routine. Even if I do nothing else. I’m going to do that. I need to. It’ll make me feel better both physically and mentally. I at least haven’t been skipping on my walks at work. Probably because I like the excuse to get up from my desk. Maybe I’ll go for a walk outside today. Though I’m afraid that’ll mean I won’t want to come back in…

Birthday Thoughts

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Yesterday was my birthday. I’m officially in my mid 30s. I used to spend a whole week celebrating my birthday when I was in my 20s. Nights out with friends, friends over for board games, all sorts of food, but now I’m happy with a nice dinner with the boyfriend and well wishes from friends.

I did get a few awesome gifts from the boyfriend and co-workers, one of my closets friends took me out for lunch, and the boyfriend took me out for dinner since we got a baby-sitter! It was overall a good day!

39051761_10100327756455472_7372192796716826624_oWhen I was younger and my birthday came along I would spend birthday money on school supplies. I loved, loved, loved buying school supplies! School always started shortly after my birthday, and I was always so excited to go back. Now, as an adult person, I still LOVE to buy school supplies. I just buy them year round now. Since I’ve been bullet journaling for over a year now I’m constantly buying new pens, washi tape, fun stickers, pen cases, and so many other cute/fun school supplies that I never really got to enjoy as a kid!

Now, once my birthday is over I’m just ready for fall! There are no other summer holidays I really have to look forward to. Labor Day is just a day off work, and, if I’m lucky, a day of day drinking and grilling. I’m already ready for fall weather, leaves on the ground, pumpkin everything, and scarves!

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So, I’m another year older, another year wiser(?), and another year closer to actually being and adult. When does that happen by the way? Some days I feel like an adult, but most days I feel like I’m just trying to get through it. Having a kid hasn’t made that feel any different. If anything it’s made me feel like I know even less than I thought I did!

Hope you all have had/will have the happiest of birthdays this year! And many more! I’m happy to have all the amazing people I have in my life, and couldn’t imagine a better place to be right now. ❤

 

Reading and Writing

I wouldn’t call myself a voracious reader, but over the past few years I’ve been trying to get more reading in. On top of that, I’ve been working on reading/listening to books outside my normal comfort zone. Last year one of my favorite books was The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu. I had no idea what this book was about, but the title just made me want to give it a go. I’m glad I did! It was a great listen. Non-fiction has generally something I’ve ignored, but I’ve been pretty happy with some of the choices I’ve made branching out.

Currently my reading habits are still a big mess. I have a rotation of books that are small enough I can read and walk during breaks at work. I have another rotation of books that are bedside for my wind-down time at the end of the night, and a whole list of audio books to get me through my commute. I think the only reason I can keep all these titles separate in my head even though I’m sometimes reading/listening to all of them in the same day is they tend to be completely different genres.

All this rambling is to say that if you like to read you should find the time for it. I’ll be the first one to tell you I have to many hobbies. Reading and board games are the two I don’t think I could ever give up. It’s taken me several years to get back to reading regularly, but I’m happy that I have. I’m hoping all the reading will help with my writing, but so far I’m still a rambling mess. 😀

Oh, I’m also reading kids books on the regular now. My kid may very well be a voracious reader when she gets older. She currently can’t get enough of books. We have the Harry Potter illustrated books that have been released, and I’m hoping we can start on those soon!

What are some of your favorite books? What’s a book that you really enjoyed thinking you wouldn’t at first?

Also, here’s my Good Reads profile. If you do that thing you can friend me over there!

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A small sample of my physical book collection