I Need to do The Things

It looks perfect outside my office window. It felt like fall on my way into the office today. I just want to be out there. Maybe with a book. Maybe for a walk. Maybe just to sit and close my eyes. According to my phone it’s 61 degrees, and I don’t see a single cloud in the sky.

Here’s the view from my office. I know it doesn’t look like much, but that sky is just screaming at me to be outside.

morning

I’m feeling, well, to be honest, not much this morning. I have a headache and no motivation for work or really anything. I’ve been struggling with this feeling for a few days now. When I get home from work I do all the things that need to be done for the kiddo, but nothing extra. I’ve stopped doing my yoga. I just sit on the couch. Maybe I’ll play Sims 4, but generally I just sit there. Not really focusing on the TV, the boyfriend, or anything.

I know it’s a phase, and I know it’ll pass. I need to find the motivations/will/strength to just do the things. I need to sit down and record my first segment for The Shuffle. I have my notes written for it. It will take me less than half an hour to record and edit it. I just can’t seem to make myself do it.

Writing this is just making me sad too. Should I even post this? I’m not even keeping up with the goal I gave myself for this blog, but I’ve decided that doesn’t matter so much since it’s my personal space. I can write as much as I want and when I feel like it, right?

I keep getting frustrated with myself because I have all these ideas and things I want to do, but then I can’t find the time/energy/motivation to actually do them. I get scared too because some of the ideas are so big and over my head, and I’m terrified to even try. So instead I sit here and get angry with myself for not doing anything. What a vicious circle.

Tonight I’m going to do my yoga routine. Even if I do nothing else. I’m going to do that. I need to. It’ll make me feel better both physically and mentally. I at least haven’t been skipping on my walks at work. Probably because I like the excuse to get up from my desk. Maybe I’ll go for a walk outside today. Though I’m afraid that’ll mean I won’t want to come back in…

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