Weight Struggles

I struggle basically all the time with self image and weight control. Not weight loss. That I’ve proven time and time again I can do. Weight control feels unattainable. I get to a point where I’m pretty happy with my weight. Then I just stop paying as close attention to what I’m shoveling into my gaping maw. I slowly watch the weight climb back up telling myself “it’s only 5 pounds, I can knock that off easy.” until I get to the day where I’m saying “fuck! 40 pounds!?? How did I let this happen?” Which is where we are right now.

I want to tell myself that this time is finally it. I’m finally done with yoyo dieting and fluctuating weight. I want to tell myself I’ll go to the gym every week forever and ever until it’s just part of the routine, but I know I won’t. I know I’m not that person. People keep telling me “one day at the gym is better than no days”, and while that logically makes sense one day at the gym doesn’t fix what I’ve done to myself over the last several months. One day at the gym doesn’t keep me from over eating.

There used to be a time when I would wake up and do yoga every morning before work. That time was before I got pregnant, before I had my kid, before I had so many excuses not to get up early. Now, I do okay with gym/workout routines for a few weeks or months, but as soon as something messes with that routine (holidays, special events, sickness, anything that throws it off course) I don’t bounce back. I just let the routine fall away until I get here again.

Here, 40 pounds heavier. Afraid to get on the scale. Afraid to look in the mirror naked. Afraid I’ll be fighting this, myself, weight forever.

Final Fantasy Play Throughs

Ten years ago I got the ambitious idea to play through all primary Final Fantasy games from the first one until the last one. This didn’t include Tactics, the online ones, or off-shoots from X and XII. So Final Fantasy’s number I through XII at that point are going to be played. Well, I’m here to tell you that I’m still, VERY SLOWLY, working through these.

Ten years ago I started Final Fantasy I… I actually had a different blog then where I talked about that. I’m sure it’s still exists somewhere on the internet, but I don’t even remember which domain name I was using at that point in time… Oh well!

Over the past few years I’ve finished FF VI, VII, and I started VIII over the weekend. See! Progress, the slowest progress ever, but progress none-the-less. Whoohoo. I’m excited to be play VIII. I honestly don’t think I ever have. I think I skipped it and went strait to IX. So, now I’m playing the remastered VIII on the Switch (I initially meant to play the original on the Vita, but the remastered came out before I got to that), and I really want to understand the card game! I’m just not. I’ve already lost the first set of cards I’d gotten along with the Ifrit card. 😦 So clearly I need to do some reading maybe on how it works. I thought I had it figured out… maybe I’m just bad at it.

Anyways, I wanted to post something here, and FF VIII is at the top of my mind right now. Outside of work related things anyways so I’m sharing my joy. I’m hoping I can finish VIII before the end of the year so I can dig into IX again! It’s been a long, long time since I played IX, and I’m excited to see my pal Vivi again!

New Job Who Dis?

After my last post I updated my resume, and started my job hunt in earnest. It, thankfully, didn’t take too long for me to land something, and I started my new job at the beginning of September! So far, it’s been more fulfilling than the last job, and that’s exactly what I was hoping for. I switched from a worldwide organization to a small local office, and the atmosphere is just so much better. I couldn’t be happier with this decision. My job is different enough to feel new, but the same enough that I feel like I’m capable enough only three weeks in. Feels good.

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Summer Reflections

I know I made no promises to myself or anyone else about updating this space with any kind of regularity. I know I promised myself I would take it easy on myself for slipping on the diet/exercise train. I know I’m only human, but I’ve been kind of down on myself lately.

From a post back in April I made this awesome list of things I wanted to do, and I’ve done none of them. Well, I have played more Sims 4, and I did do some streaming for a bit. Set a schedule and everything, but then I couldn’t keep up with it. I’m not sure if going back to streaming is even something I want to do now.

  • Like I said earlier, actually set a schedule for Sims 4 streaming.
  • Create some board game crossword puzzles. I just think that could be a fun monthly post here. If I can find a way so people can do the crossword on the site instead of printing it out that’d be great!
  • Just post more here, even if it’s silly stuff like this post.
  • Play more solo board games! This will include finishing my current game of Legacy of Dragonholt, and working through my backlog of games since most of them I got for solo gaming anyways.

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Sims 4 – I’ve Been Doing Some Building

I wanted to share a couple of my more recent builds! I haven’t been finding as much time to play since the weather’s gotten nicer. Being outdoors has definitely taken over more of my free time, but I have done these few things recently!

The first one I’m calling Teal Comfort. I made this small house for my Sim-self and my Sim-corgi. If I were living on my own this is probably pretty similar to what I would want for myself, this is missing the massive board game collection though!

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Punk Rock Legacy – Apartment Upgrade?

During the stream last night I made some changes to the family’s apartment. I was having a difficult time with the layout and everything in the place. So they sold all their stuff, tore down some walls, and remodeled. However, after upgrading the kitchen and installing the bathrooms there wasn’t much money left for anything else. It’ll be okay because now there’s room for each person to put their own spin on the place! Here are a few screenshots from the stream. Continue reading “Punk Rock Legacy – Apartment Upgrade?”

You May Be Wondering…

What I’ve been up to lately. The 3 people out there that actually read this silly thing. Well, the truth of the matter is I haven’t been up to much. I barely hit the gym in the last few months, but I have watched a lot of Game of Thrones. 6 more episodes and we’ll be ready for the new season Sunday!

I haven’t even really done much board gaming or Sims 4 playing. I have read the first 3 Jem and the Hologram graphic novels and all of Locke and Key. So that’s something. To be perfectly honest I’ve been in a bit of a slump, and it’s taken me a while to start seeing a way out. I’m getting there. Slowly, and I’m looking forward to getting back to some Sims 4 streaming actually! I’m going to start working on a regular streaming schedule, and I’m looking into ways to record my sessions to post to Youtube, maybe. I’m still not sure if that’s something I want to do. I’ve spent some time building stuff lately, and I want to stretch that creative muscle some more so I’m thinking about doing some speed build videos, but there’s already SO MANY of those I’m not really sure if it’s even worth it, but if I’m going to be doing the building anyways I may as well record it and see what happens.

Continue reading “You May Be Wondering…”